Navigating Heartache: Offering Support to Those Affected by Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Published Oct 22, 2024

Miranda Backes, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

Perinatal loss, which includes miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss, is unfortunately very common. Individuals experiencing these losses often report significant grief, anxiety, and depression, underscoring the need for adequate support and resources. 

Experiencing perinatal loss is an incredibly personal and challenging journey. By fostering understanding and compassion, we can better support those who need it most. 

Remember, whether you’re a health care provider, a friend or a loved one, your presence and empathy can make a significant difference. 

Types of Perinatal Loss 

Understanding the different types of perinatal loss is crucial for both health care providers and families experiencing this profound grief. Here’s a brief overview. 

• Chemical/Biochemical Pregnancy: This occurs before five to six weeks of gestation, often going unnoticed as many may think they are simply having a late period. 
• Miscarriage: This is generally classified as a loss before 20 weeks of gestation. 
• Early Miscarriage: loss within the first trimester (in the first 12 weeks) 
• Late Miscarriage: loss during the second trimester, which can include ectopic and molar pregnancies 
• Stillbirth: typically refers to a loss occurring at or after 20 weeks of gestation 
• Infant Loss: the death of an infant within the first year of life 
• Infertility Loss: Those facing infertility also may experience grief from lost embryos or failed inseminations, often feeling similar grief symptoms as those who have experienced the above losses. 

Supporting Patients Through Perinatal Loss 

Health care providers play a vital role in supporting their patients during these difficult times. Here are some effective strategies. 

• Educate Yourself in Trauma-Informed Care: One of the best ways that health care providers can support their patients and reduce potential harm is by being educated in trauma-informed care.  
  • Be aware of the language you are using with your patients when discussing their loss. Although this is something you might talk about nearly every day, this is a deeply personal experience for your patient, and they are often taking in every word you are saying. Explain in plain language what is happening. (“I am sorry to tell you that you are experiencing a miscarriage.”) 
  • Take it slow and give time for your patient to take in what is happening and ask questions.  
  • Give your patient simple next steps for what will happen to them next: what they will experience physically, when they will follow up with you, etc. 
  • Give your patient options for how to move forward, if appropriate. Consider implementing a system in your clinic or office for how you will follow up with bereaved parents and to notify staff so that the loss is considered in their treatment moving forward.  
• Provide Resources: Offer information about local support groups and access to mental health professionals trained in perinatal grief and loss. Patients may need tangible resources to refer back to as they navigate their emotions. 
• Staff Training: Consider bringing in a professional who is trained in perinatal grief and loss to train your staff on how to support bereaved parents effectively. 

Available Resources for Patients 

For those experiencing pregnancy or infant loss, numerous resources can provide support. 

• Counseling: Seek a licensed therapist trained in perinatal grief and loss. Postpartum Support International offers a directory of trained providers (PSI Directory). 
• Support Groups: Engage with others who have experienced similar losses. PSI hosts various virtual support groups (PSI Online Support Meetings). 
• Hotlines: 
  • National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (National Hotline). 
  • PSI HelpLine: Call or text “Help” to 1-800-944-4773. 
  • If feeling unsafe or experiencing thoughts of suicide, reach out to the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (988 Lifeline). 

Advice for Those Who Have Experienced Loss 

If you’ve faced the loss of a pregnancy or infant, consider the following. 

• Allow Yourself to Grieve: Embrace your emotions and don’t rush the process. Grief is a process, and you will likely fluctuate through many emotions, and that is OK! Journaling can help you work through your feelings. 
• Honor Your Baby: Find personal ways to remember your baby — be it through naming, planting a memorial or creating a keepsake box. It doesn’t matter how far along you were; your baby’s life mattered and you are allowed to experience whatever feelings come naturally to you and grieve however you feel. 
• Take Time for Recovery: Prioritize both physical and mental healing. Lean on your support system and accept help when offered. Allow friends and family to bring you meals, clean your house or do your laundry. 
• Reach Out for Help: If your grief interferes with daily life — change in appetite, difficulty sleeping, mood fluctuations or inability to function day-to-day — consider seeking professional support. Remember, “You are not alone. You are not to blame. With help, you will be well.” 

How Loved Ones Can Support 

If you’re looking to support someone who has experienced a loss, here are some thoughtful ways to help. 

• Listen and Validate: Give them space to share about their baby when they’re ready. Validate their feelings without trying to offer solutions or “silver linings.” 
• Be Present: Sometimes, just being there is enough. Drop off meals or send cards to show you care. 
• Respect Their Needs: Understand they may not be ready to talk when you visit, but your support will mean a lot. 

About the Author 

Miranda Backes, M.Ed., LPC, NCC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the owner of Rooted Revival Counseling and Wellness in Jefferson City, Mo. Miranda specializes in maternal mental health, with extensive training in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and perinatal/infant loss through Postpartum Support International (PSI). She also is the treasurer of the Missouri Chapter of PSI and a member of the MO PQC’s Postpartum Care Task Force.